I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
