Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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