I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize