This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
