I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Randomize
