bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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