I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
