What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
