I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
