I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
