He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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