First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
