So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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