I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
