I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
