He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
