I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize