I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
