I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
