Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
