Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
