I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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