And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
