you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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