dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
organizing the empties. That sober.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
