Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize