Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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