I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
