last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
