lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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