I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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