i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
