I wish I could teleport
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
