i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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