i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
