i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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