wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
