I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
