just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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