i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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