Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think I am morally bankrupt
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I enjoy the company of your penis
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
