the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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