Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
