oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
