You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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