You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
