went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize