wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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