you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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