dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize