I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
