Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
