how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
