this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize