2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
