the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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