great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
