let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
