It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
