So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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