I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
