he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
