I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
